Poetry Month, Day 26 - Phlebotomist

I didn't write a poem yesterday - it was a mental health day - if I had to squeeze out a poem in the little time I had, I would have gone crazy!!  I'm using two words for today's poem, Plebotomist and Booger, so that should make up for it!  You may be wondering why I chose those two words - here's the story behind it:

I went to give blood this morning at a local blood drive and the phlebotomist tried my left arm but she hit scar tissue so the blood was coming out too slow. Then she tried my right arm and messed that one up too so I wasn't able to give blood but I got to take home two bruised and painful arms!

I wasn't as upset as I would have been because I was able to catch up with old colleagues and friends. That made me happy - until I got in the car, looked in the mirror and saw a small dried "something" hanging off my nose!! I wonder how long that was there?!

 

 Cafe Press

SPOILER ALERT!!!

This poem has gross, stupid humor.  Don't say I didn't warn you!

 

Phlebotomist

Beware of the Phlebotomists

They don't just want your blood.

They're sort of like Lobotomists,

They'll turn your brain to mud!

They'll stir it up inside a bowl 

and mix it with your boogers.

Them bake it into jelly rolls

topped off with powdered sugar!

 

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Poetry Month, Day 24 - Skype

Tonight I had a school visit on Skype - with an international school in Xiamen, China!  It was my fourth time Skyping with classes and it's so much fun!  The other three schools were in Iowa, Texas and England!  I wrote today's poem using the word, Skype.

Skype

I've learned I can skype

with schools of all types.

No matter how distant,

I'm there in an instant. 

We talk about writing -

it's really exciting!

They ask lots of questions.

I offer suggestions.

I'm building relations

with kids of all nations

I visit in China 

or North Carolina

and travel to Rome

without leaving home!

 

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Poetry Month, Day 23 - Plotz

Today's word, Plotz, was given to me by an old grade school friend, Brad!  Apparently the word Phlox made him think of Plotz.  For those of you who don't know Yiddish, Plotz means to burst or explode or to be more aggravated than you can bear.  Here we go . . .

Plotz

I went to Las Vegas; I played all the slots.

I lost all my money - my husband will plotz!*

And when I get home, he'll do nothing but kvetch!*

But I can distract him (the dirty old letch)!

My Bubbe* had warned me, "A fool and her money 

soon will be parted - and that isn't funny!"

She said, "You need Chutzpah* if you're gonna gamble.

'Know when to fold them' should be your preamble!"

My Zaide* joined in with his usual spiel*,

"Watch out for Roulette - it's a dangerous wheel!"

I'll promise them all, "In the future, I'll pass.

Have I learned my lesson?  You bet your tuches!"*

~~~~~~~

*Yiddish Translations:

Plotz - to burst or explode

Kvetch - complain, fret

Bubbe - Grandmother

Chutzpah - nerve, guts

Zaide - Grandfather 

Spiel - a long involved sales pitch

Tuches - rear end, butt 

 

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Poetry Month, Day 22 - Earth Day!

Last week, I presented at George Lieb School's Literacy Night.  

  


Because the event was in April, I asked if we could do a tie-in with Authors for Earth Day - and they enthusiastically agreed!  As part of the A4ED program, I chose five non-profit conservation organizations and the students at Lieb School researched each and voted for their favorite.  The winning group will receive the stipend I received for presenting at the school. 

The organizations I chose are: 
~ American Cetacean Society 
~ Bat Conservation International 
~ The Humane Society of the US    
~ Rainforest Action Network 
~ Wildlife Conservation Society

The organization that received the most votes was The Wildlife Conservation Society (personally, I was pulling for the bats).

Earth Day
 Today we focus on the earth.
Its conservation brings me mirth.

There's so much that we can do;
here are just a few for you:

Drink your water from a glass.

Plastic bottle?  Take a pass!

Build a compost in your yard. 
Start a garden - grow swiss chard.

Take a walk or ride a bike.
Don't throw out - reuse, recike.

Drive a hybrid - use less fuel.
Bring cloth bags to shop at Jewel*

Power up with wind or sun.
Please don't let your water run.

These few things are just a start.
Let's help the earth and do our part.


* Chicago area grocery store

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Poetry Month, Day 21 - Phlox

Today's word, Phlox, was given to me by Samuel Kent - the guy who beat me in the second round of March Madness and went on to win the whole thing!!  It's a bit nerve wracking writing a poem for a skilled poet!! 

http://www.superstock.com

Phlox

I have to write another poem? Really?  What the phlox?!
I haven't any fresh ideas - I'll never beat the clocks.

My weakened brain's in need of rest - and just a little time.
It's taking everything I have to think of one more rhyme!

So now this poem has reached its end.  I'll just write one more line.
And I'll forgive your "not great" poems, if you'll forgive me mine!

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Poetry Month, Day 20 - Perfection

My old grade school friend, Sally, gave me the word Perfection.  I'm sitting here, writing this while watching the TV show Resurrection.  Perfection - Resurrection - they rhyme!  Coincidence - I don't think so!  So, here's my Perfection poem.

http://bemorewithless.com/punch/

Perfection

The program, Resurrection,

is so far from perfection.

The plot holes are gigantic.

The story line pedantic.

The dialogue's not great.

The acting's second rate.

The roles are all portrayed

in a way that's so cliched.

It's a show I suspect
they will not resurrect.

So mark the words I've said:

This show's as good as dead!! 
 

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Poetry Month, Day 19 - Reminiscing

Today's word, Reminiscing, was given to me by my old (as in long time) college friend, Dumas!  Sorry that I got sappy - for some reason, when I don't write funny, I write sappy!!  It's a problem :-)

Reminiscing

I can't help reminiscing

'bout the friends whom I've been missing!

The long lost pals who've moved away.

The memories of childhood play.

My friends who are no longer here

Whose voices now are hard to hear.

 Reminiscing makes me happy,

even though I'm sounding sappy!

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Poetry Month, Day 18 - Please Don't Eat The Daisies

 I asked for word suggestions and my writer friend, Sarah Barthel, went overboard and gave me six words - daisy, nibbled, persecution, destruction, never and forever!!  I managed to rhyme them all, but the storyline is a bit of a stretch! 

 Please Don't Eat The Daisies!

You'll think that I'm crazy,

to eat a fresh daisy.

I mixed it with milk

and it went down like silk.

My daisy solution

has caused persecution. 
 

I really just nibbled

and, ok, I dribbled.

My lack of good suction

was my own destruction.

I promise, forever,

I'll eat daisies - never!

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Poetry Month, Day 16/17 - Neighbor - take 2

I began this post on the 16th but fell asleep before I could finish it.  So, this poem will represent day 16 and 17.  It's kind of cheating but, for the sake of my sanity, I'm doing it!  On the 15th, I used the word Neighbor, suggested by our old neighbor, Matt.  After re-reading it, I realized I wrote it from a parent's perspective, not a kid's.  So, I've written a second version, thinking back to my sons' time growing up on a street full of boys!  Hope you like this - Boys of Annapolis Drive!!

The Boys of Annapolis Drive

Building rafts to sail the creek.

Playing games of hide and seek. 

Sleeping in Aunt Kathy's van.

 Laying out to get a tan.

Action figures.  Magic cards.

Playing football in our yards.

Comic books and sweet Pound Puppies.
Lizards, hamsters, Fun Fair guppies.

Riding bikes and roller blades.
Candy tossing at parades.

Halloween and trick-or-treating.

 In the fort for secret meetings.

Camping-out inside our tents.
Going to some sports events.

Helping build the castle park.

Staying out 'til after dark.  

Building forts with piles of snow.

Putting on a wrestling show.

Ring and run and almost caught.
Always friends, although we fought. 

Having fun and getting muddy,
with my next door neighbor buddy.

Hanging out; just kicking back.
Traveling in one giant pack.

We never let our parents rest.

Neighbor friends are just the best!!

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Poetry Month, Day 15 - Neighbor

Today's word, Neighbor, was suggested by an old (and missed) neighbor, Matt!  Thanks, Matt! 

Neighbor

There's more to being neighbors

than simply doing favors.

Or borrowing a power tool

and driving carpool to the school.

There's going camping with the boys,

Having laughs and sharing toys.

Keeping secrets, telling jokes,

stretching out beneath the oaks.

Shopping at your favorite stores,

Trading keys to your front doors.

 

Watching movies, eating meals,

sharing how you really feel.

Pulling weeds and planting flowers

Hanging in the yard for hours.

Hosting parties on the block,

Walk right in - no need to knock!

Being neighbors means much more

Than living in the house next door!

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Poetry Month, Day 14 - Ponderosity

Today's word, Ponderosity, was given to me by Juli, my writer friend.  Juli thought she made up the word to rhyme with Curiosity, but she found out, it's a real word!

Ponderosity

She asked, with curiosity,

About his ponderosity.

"Just how much is it that you weigh?

You're getting bigger every day!

You once were smaller than a mouse

And now you're bigger than a house!

If you keep growing at this rate,

The ground will quake beneath your weight!"

 

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Poetry Month, Day 13 - Flummox

Today's word, Flummox, was given to me by my friend (and LA roomie) Renee!!

Flummox

It's not very hard to flummox,

a culinary lummox,

Give him a mincemeat surprise!

He'll really be eating fruit pies.

Or Buffalo wings - finger lickin'

Is not really bison - it's chicken! 

Give him a sweet Spotted Dick,

It's simply a pudding that's thick!

Yes, tricking a lummox is easy,

Be careful though, he might get queasy!

 

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Poetry Month, Day 12 - Curmudgeon

Today's word, Curmudgeon, was suggested by my co-worker, Sue Weidenfeld.  At least, she used to be my co-worker - she retired last year - lucky her!!  Well, Sue is anything but a curmudgeon - though I've worked with several people to whom that word would apply.

Curmudgeon

I know of a curmudgeon

whom I would like to bludgeon.

Well, maybe I exaggerate,

but how this person does berate.

He's mean to those around him

I'd really like to pound him.

Perhaps that is a bit too rough,

but really I have had enough!

He abuses and attacks.

 I'll just give him one quick smack.

No, as much as I abhor him

I think I'll just ignore him!

 

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